Having read 'Drink' by Ann Dowsett Johnston, I Have Realised So Many Things. I have just turned 47. Within me I know I am disorganised, and in a mess but on the outside, I try to appear composed and cheerful.
Drink' helped me face my drinking habits which has been an issue for a long time. It made me feel uninsulated which was really soothing. Several problems in my life caused my misuse of alcohol and the usual reasons such as hereditary factors, and indiscipline does not feature. Developing to maturity was very difficult - my dad was a serial cheater, my mum had no self-respect and overweight, unpopular me was abandoned to take care of myself most of the time. Emotionally, I was totally self-reliant.
Strangely, I took no alcohol in high school. And Luckily at that time I can attend a prestigious school that proud on its student's academic records'but the students there turned out really like having a party, they were party animals. My varsity days mark the commencement of my drinking habits and misdemeanour with the common negative outcomes notorious with severe alcohol use such as improper conducts, headaches, vomiting and loss of consciousness.
One thing I learn at that time, that for a fat girl like me who want a sexual relation with the opposite gender, I have to be drunk as drunk as the boys, and maybe that's my chance to have it with them.
I woke up one morning, stripped in bed with some person in a fraternity house in Montreal..... I recollect and it is really a ponder I didn't get truly harmed, wind up in a doctor's facility or plastered tank or pregnant.
Life moved on - I became a licensed nurse, got a masters degree and dated a lovely guy. We took wine on weekends when we were with each other and sometimes during the week I would buy myself a drink.
Fast forward...marriage, .two pregnancies, both amid which I totally avoided, and did not miss it. But then as life goes on, aging parents, ADHD child, stressed workaholic husband with infuriation problems.....wine on weekends turned into wine Thursday-Sunday.
My husband got hooked on a local "brew-your-own" so we had cases and cases of wine'..and shortly a nightly custom to crack one or two'..Privately, I started combining my personal cocktails and having the glass concealed in my baking cupboard.
When I return home - and face the family mess, getting dinner, attempting to get ADHD kid to concentrate on homework while prying the other erratic of his iPod.....I can just consider blending that drink....which I continue refilling until in the long run I nod off or go out. In the mornings, first thing I do is check my I-telephone to see whom I may have unintentionally messaged while inebriated.
Be that as it may, there is more - two years prior I got to be distinctly required in an extremely serious enthusiastic issue with one of my child's companion's fathers. The affair never proceeded to sexual interaction (except for a few hugs and standing beside each other at sporting events) but if any of you have learnt about (or undergone) an emotional affair, the effect can be just as dramatic and powerful, if not more so than a sexual relationship. The beep of my phone which signifies the entry of a message always gave me that ecstatic sensation. Regularly, our phone conversation transpired for long durations and intermittently as well.
I felt really happy, happier that I had ever been. Soon the affair began to get intimate and suddenly out of the blues he ended it. I have been ravaged and mourning this loss'.and the drinking heightened.
My mixed drinks alleviated me they helped the agony.
I am so embarrassed as I think back over my life. The drunken episodes:
I am in advising which has been an epiphany.....plus perusing Ann's book and now finding this site and perusing comparable stories. Frankly, I perceive my redemption is near.